it has been a long week. in fact it is still not over. i work tomorrow.
today in the midst of failing to getting the stubborn little man i watch to take a nap of my precious toddler decided to have a total melt down (complete with flailing arms, throwing of toys, and a river of tears), all i wanted to do was dive into a mountain of chocolate to somehow solve my frustrations. however, as it is lent and i have given up sweets, i knew it wasn't an option. plus the fact that today marks the first day of me fasting from snacking/eating between meals.
anyhoo...all this to say, it is amazing how often i turn to food in the midst of stress/frustration. it has become such a crutch.
so, i gave up trying to get the little guy to nap, calmed the toddler enough to get her buckled her in the stroller and took both of them on a walk. getting some sunshine and change of scenery for the kids, and some endorphins for me made a world of difference for us all.
a walk over a chocolate binge. success....and there was no guilt afterwards or tragic self loathing.
Friday, April 11, 2014
The beginning of a start.
"Sacrificing for a season is not fun, but doable. However, sacrificing until we no longer desire what has been given up? Well, that just takes discipline to whole new level. Is this kind of sacrificial discipline sustainable? My answer is no and yes. No, I do not believe in our own strength we can sustain a level of discipline that requires real sacrifice for a long period of time. However, my answer is yes if we factor in a crucial spiritual truth. Making the connection between my daily disciplines with food and my desire to pursue holiness is crucial. And holiness doesn't just deal with my spiritual life; it very much deals with my physical life as well. It is good for God's people to be put in a place of longing so they feel a slight desperation. Only then can we be empty enough and open enough to discover the holiness we are made for." -- Lysa Terkeurst, Made to Crave
It started in this season of lent (a season that continues through next Sunday) when I felt the pull to sacrifice something. I really hadn't sacrificed anything since I was in middle school and chose to give up sweets, which I successfully did for forty days. This year as I thought about it, I looked back at that little girl and couldn't believe how much discipline a 12 year old had when me as a current adult have the worst discipline under the sun. I am the queen of excuses. The queen of "I will start over tomorrow." So during lent I decided to give up all sweets again, chocolate, candy, cake, cookies, even things like granola bars (which are often cookies in disguise). It hasn't been easy. My husband and several of my good friends have birthdays in March which means lots of cake and ice cream that I had to pass on. It also meant no dessert ever, or a chocolate pick me up, or giving into my my sugar cravings.
I have a week left and I can honestly say that I have not cheated. It has been super hard but it also has been truly freeing. Since I know I cannot have it, it keeps me from the many excuses I use to tell myself that I desire/need it. I mean yes, sometimes I look at that pack of oreo cookies and want to inhale the whole sleeve, but since I can't I just move on and do something else.
This fast has taught me that I can live without. I can choose "no". However, it also has shown me that instead of turning to sweets I also often try to snack on other things to make up for it. Through the lent season I have also been trying fast from eating after dinner, which I have been successful in for the most part. I find that after dinner I eat out of boredom or habit and very rarely choose the healthy option. I am almost better at just living without it. So this sparked something in me.
My husband told me that he never understood why people give up things for lent because it is never sustainable. I told him temporary sacrifice can shed light on things and draw us closer to God. However, he does have a point. Most times after a fast we fall into old habits. We go back to binging on whatever it is we gave up (food or otherwise). So this has sparked the desire in me to go 365 days and fast from snacking between meals, especially in the evening after dinner. Since I snack mindlessly about 99% of the time, I know this type of fast can be life changing. I wanna change the way I turn to food for comfort. I wanna find a new outlet. I wanna heal myself from this addiction from the inside out.
I am obsessed with food. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and even at my thinnest times I used over exercising to combat my food addiction. I know depending on the Lord to meet my needs and to not eat mindlessly with be very difficult. I know that it will make me want to overeat at meals often and it will be hard to pass the many options of food that come my way through out my day between regular meals. But I want to break the hold of this food addiction. I want draw near to the Lord instead of stuffing my face to numb my feelings.
I think this will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. So I want to document my journey here to help spur me on and to see how far I have come. Sacrifice is life changing. And freedom comes with living without. Lord help me to live without and be content with You.
I have a week left and I can honestly say that I have not cheated. It has been super hard but it also has been truly freeing. Since I know I cannot have it, it keeps me from the many excuses I use to tell myself that I desire/need it. I mean yes, sometimes I look at that pack of oreo cookies and want to inhale the whole sleeve, but since I can't I just move on and do something else.
This fast has taught me that I can live without. I can choose "no". However, it also has shown me that instead of turning to sweets I also often try to snack on other things to make up for it. Through the lent season I have also been trying fast from eating after dinner, which I have been successful in for the most part. I find that after dinner I eat out of boredom or habit and very rarely choose the healthy option. I am almost better at just living without it. So this sparked something in me.
My husband told me that he never understood why people give up things for lent because it is never sustainable. I told him temporary sacrifice can shed light on things and draw us closer to God. However, he does have a point. Most times after a fast we fall into old habits. We go back to binging on whatever it is we gave up (food or otherwise). So this has sparked the desire in me to go 365 days and fast from snacking between meals, especially in the evening after dinner. Since I snack mindlessly about 99% of the time, I know this type of fast can be life changing. I wanna change the way I turn to food for comfort. I wanna find a new outlet. I wanna heal myself from this addiction from the inside out.
I am obsessed with food. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and even at my thinnest times I used over exercising to combat my food addiction. I know depending on the Lord to meet my needs and to not eat mindlessly with be very difficult. I know that it will make me want to overeat at meals often and it will be hard to pass the many options of food that come my way through out my day between regular meals. But I want to break the hold of this food addiction. I want draw near to the Lord instead of stuffing my face to numb my feelings.
I think this will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. So I want to document my journey here to help spur me on and to see how far I have come. Sacrifice is life changing. And freedom comes with living without. Lord help me to live without and be content with You.
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